Eurovision 2012

Ah, Eurovision! Where the continent is brought together for a load of cheesy music. I have blogged about this for several years now and this year is no different. Actually the format is a little different, as I am writing this live. Yep, I’m sat in front of the TV and shall be sharing my thoughts as they come. Hopefully I’ll manage to get some photos in it by the time this post goes live tomorrow.

So this year’s Eurovision is in Azerbaijan. No, I don’t really know where that is either. They’ve got two fairly attractive female judges and have built an arena especially for it. It seems they’ll probably be decent hosts. Not that you can really be a bad host of Eurovision!

The UK entry, Engelbert Humperdinck is first. He’s described as a “crooner” which means he was famous a few decades ago. His name is as weird-looking as he is but the song is actually a decent ballad. It seems pretty unlikely we’ll win with it though.

Can’t ignore the Albanian entry. It’s hideously high-pitched and I feel like my ears have been abused. The singer also looks a bit weird…

I think this show is demonstrating which countries don’t have very much money. Lithuania have a song called “Love is Blind” and it’s just one guy who took off a blindfold half way through. I think they probably could only just afford the blindfold!

 

Russia have a group of grannies. Really. It’s hilarious. But also somehow amazing. It’s this sort of thing that Eurovision is all about. I’m tempted to vote for them. Here’s the performance which you HAVE to watch. It starts of dull but just wait and see what brilliance it brings.

A couple of average songs have just been on. Cyprus have produced the hottest woman so far. France have brought in their Olympic gymnast team. They are two months early and have confused Azerbaijan with London, which is a surprisingly common mistake.

I think the Italian entrant is a lot like Amy Winehouse:

Well apart from the fact she is more Italian and less dead.

As Norway sing a generic pop song, I wonder if any of these songs will appear in the next edition of Chart Chasers. Engelbet might. I’d love it if the Russian grannies made it into the charts. You’ll have to turn up here on Monday to find out.

The interviewer is interviewing Engelbet. To me he seems a bit tipsy. I wish I was. *realises there is vodka in the fridge*. Why the hell not? Looks like I’ll need alcohol to get through this dull Azerbaijan song.

Apparently I missed someone moonwalking whilst playing the bagpipes when I went to get a drink. Greece are on now. They can’t really win as they could barely afford to send five people to Azerbaijan, let alone host the competition. The song is called “Aphrodisiac”. I’m tempted to make some tasteless joke about how the singer could be my aphrodisiac. I won’t though. She is pretty though.

Oh my goodness. What on Earth is this Turkish entry? This is what they look like.

The singer is dreadful and is sort of dressed like a sailor. The dancers are throwing their coats all over the place. I think this might be the worst song so far. It’s close between this and Albania.

Spain are on now. She was supposedly told not to win because Spain wouldn’t be able to afford to host it. It’s a pretty dull song so she probably won’t win, unless the European citizens decide they’d like to see Spain have even worse financial problems.

Malta was just on. I genuinely quite liked their track “This is the Night”. My fave song so far. Here it is to listen to in all it’s wonderful cheesy pop-ness. Plus I love the guy at the decks’ dancing and his trousers. I reckon I could do his job. 

For the second year running X-Factor losers Jedward are back on Eurovision representing Ireland. It’s a frustratingly cheesy pop song once again. Almost likeable. Almost. Whatever you think of them, the twins always put on a good performance. It was way more entertaining than many of the other songs.

After some people pretending to play a trumpet and the Moldovans being as weird as usual, that’s it in terms of performances. 15 minutes of voting so that’ll be about half an hour of drivel on the show and then we’ll eventually get to the results which go on for ever. Maybe Engelbet will win. I doubt it.

A ridiculous amount of time later and the results are in. A dance track by Sweden won by over a hundred points. As usual the UK did not do very well and finished second last with 8 points. Considering Sweden had over 300, this was pretty dreadful. Poor Engelburt. He’s getting a hug in the background as the winner walks through. Stockholm next year then! At least they can afford it. That was good fun but the results were even more dull than usual. Come back in a year for the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest!