The Emotion Cake

Why do you bite the hand that feeds you? The Kooks: Shine On

I wasn’t going to blog today. But there are some many things whizzing around my head right now that I want to spill them out, mix them around and hopefully come to a nice outcome. Like making a cake. Except I’m not really a big fan of cake. But anyway.

Well the day began quite oddly as I just happened to end up looking up my Formspring shortly after getting up to find this rather long anonymous comment:

This is a little note rather than a question, but this is the only place where I can speak anonymously. Dan, you are not a horrible nor unlovable person. I know this from experience as a friend of yours. However lately I’ve noticed your growing self-loathing + your glum or non-existent interactions with us, your friends. This needs to stop if you want to be happy again. By continually rejecting people, even those you do not like, you are hurting them + in the long run yourself. People rarely cross burnt bridges to help the arsonist. But if you learn to listen, smile + make an effort for others bridges will be mended. For when they are happy they will see what a brilliant, lovable person you are. And they will want to make you happy. Love Anon. x

It’s all a little odd really. I get the impression this person actually knows me pretty well though I haven't the faintest idea who it could be. It’s rather poetic and well put-together and I wouldn’t expect that from most people. But it does make me wonder whether I’ve really been as bad as this person describes lately. Maybe I have. But then again the past winter has probably been the hardest time in my life so far apart from the terrible breakup blues I had early last summer.

Over the last few days I have realised that it’s about time this all stopped. The sadness and tiny things being blown up into massive stressful situations. And then all of a sudden the sort of thing that has lately turned into a massive stressful situation occurred on text today. Details are not important and not fair to the person involved. But in the end I said something I probably should have said a long time ago and the conversation abruptly ended. There was little else I could do and in the end I was honest, fair and empathetic. Best of all for me, I managed to calmly deal with a situation without letting it kick off out of proportion. So I feel like I have done the right thing for once and am actually functioning in a way which is somewhere at least near normal behaviour.

And as if my day of having emotional challenges thrown at me wasn’t enough, this evening I received another Formspring message:

Is there any one at your university you have a crush on or did have and why ? What’s your type ? Or do you not have one ?

Now one must assume this was from the same person who wrote the first message. But the nature of this question is somewhat bewildering. Either the person is extremely nosy or they have a reason to want to know such information which would likely be a good thing for me. The internal speculation on this one is wild but there isn’t really a way of knowing the truth behind it. Maybe I shall find it out one day.

So anyway. This is a rather random post. It’s quite late and my mind has lots of things floating round it. But I can tell you something. I am actually looking forward to returning to uni in a week. It will be nice to be back with my friends and I want to have a good, fun term this time rather than a shit one like I just had. It’s time to break away from my former emotional strains and live life to the full. Bring it on.

And I guess that statement is the cake that resulting in all the mixing!

Tomorrow’s post will be more normal I assure you and will contain  what I actually spent most of today doing, which I managed to not mention today as well as random snippets from the last few days. See you then.