I don’t much enjoy writing posts like this one but I feel it might help me. Spilling out emotions does help to squash them a little. Whether this stays on Facebook or not I don’t know, it very much depends on my mood when it gets automatically imported there tomorrow.
So, what’s the matter Dan? Well everything really. I am not getting enough sleep, no matter how hard I try. I have only had one thing that can vaguely constituent a meal since Tuesday and that was only an instant microwaveable curry: I just haven't felt like eating. Those two things are probably either because of or causes of being slightly ill. I’m hardly dying but my stomach is a bit dodgy and I didn’t really feel up to P.E. today.
So that’s the physical side of things. The mental is worse. Over the last few days I have suddenly started to miss my old Ringwood life quite a bit, even aspects from months and months ago which I thought I was over. Apparently not. The thing is I can never go back to the old life now as my friends are now dotted around the country at various universities and things have changed. Then there’s the fact I have an assignment due in a week today and I am not even a quarter through it. I have even got to the stage where I am considering whether this is the right course for me. Everyone is very excited for their upcoming placement but I’m more terrified than anything else. I can see it will be two weeks where my classmate comes across really well as a brilliant student teacher and I come across the complete opposite. I guess I just need to stick with it at the moment and hopefully my enthusiasm will return.
I also realised today that I have now been single for the longest period of time in nearly four years with not even the slightest hope of that changing. Now I know it’s silly to get worked up about this but I was kind of hoping I would have embarked on a relationship with a fellow student by now. But no.
I have shut myself in my room the last couple of days, only venturing out for an occasional trip to the shop etc. I’ve hardly spoken to my housemates this week. I’m just in a shut away mood. Mumford and Son’s track Little Lion Man is my sort of music right now.
I’ll stop going on now. I know, I know, I should be grateful for the position I’m in and most of my worries aren’t even important. Well they are to me as silly as that may sound. Hopefully a weekend of being home will lift my spirits. Feel free to offer some words of happiness if you so wish (I could do with some right now). Next entry will be more cheerful, promise.